Manners oh Manners

This morning, in early morning like usual, I checked my email in my Ipod touch..I got an email for one of my junior at university..a really short message for asking a big thing, at least that what I thought and felt.

Title: Nanya

Email: ka, ini s*u adik kelasmu angkatan 2007. Saya akan mendapatkan kesempatan ke jepang ya untuk acara diskusi nah saya boleh minta softcopy surat permohonan dana gak ka? Buat dapet sponsor. S*u@yahoo.co.id  Tolong yah kak. Makasih J 3.47AM 30 June 2010.

Email: sis, it’s A*u, I am your junior 2007. I have a chance to go to Japan for an discussion. Could I get softcopy of your proposal for a sponsorship? S*u@yahoo.co.id, please sis. Thanks J

After read this email, I got offended. Why?

1. That’s a really short email for such a big favor. She asked about my proposal and wrote down her email address, she didn’t even say: Could you please send your proposal to my email address? She assume that I will send it directly to her.
2. This letter is written by uneducated people. From elementary school until senior high school, we have been taught how to write a personal email or a formal email. But this email, not even in personal email criteria. Couldn’t she just be nice to me? Asking how I am doing? And abit bla bla.. it doesn’t mean that’s superficial, not at all. There is a certain manners to get everything done.
3. I am wondering, how she can survive in Japan, if she just copies paste other proposal? Proposal is something personal. Like your motivation letter, future plans, thesis, etc. and to write it is  part of the process to get your goal. I would be really happy to help her, if she asked me a tips or a framework. But asking a proposal?

This short email was really bother me. While enjoying a cup of tea. I brought him into discussion.  7 months in Belgium, I see my culture more clearly now, I could not generalize that all Indonesians are  like her or maybe she didn't even realize that she sent an email inappropriate way to ask a big favor. I got this kind of email several times already and I shocked. Education was failed to train people’s manners.

I understand now what I have read a few years ago. The book that had been written by  HAR Tilaar. We don’t educate people we just install them with some software that they will use to survive and to work. A few norms are missing such as character and personality. We as a result of school (we called education was plucked from the roots. I couldn’t be proud of myself as Indonesian  anymore and shout: Indonesia adalah negara yang menjunjung tinggi sopan santun dan merupakan Negara berbudaya (Indonesia is a country that upholds  good manners and is a civilized country ). Now I asked myself: In what way?

Is it Only me?

I kept on thinking, I couldn’t stop myself questioning. I felt embraced and I doubt. Maybe It’s only a normal email that everyone write when they are in same situation! Maybe I am the one who see this thing different! maybe I exaggerate. I needed to share this to someone. I wanted to see a different perspectives and responds from people, so I sent this to some friends of mine.

Nico answered:

I'm I have read your email, I have some opinion about it:

1. The first, If I were you I would feel the same like yours, That person had a bad manner and I won't send a reply for her or give her some respond until she asks. 
2. If she ask, I will tell her how bad her manner was and try to give her some ''Tutorial'' about how to behave and respect others.
3. If she give a positive responses, maybe I'll give her a second chance :)

Yati answered:

Y       : ive read ur email

Ef      : then?

Y       : and u could be sooo angry with that attitude

Ef      : gimana? apa itu perasaaan gw aja? (Is it normal if I am angry?)

Y      : intinya ef, semua orang emg mw gampang aja, shortcut gt lah dan coba gw tanya dulu ke elo. perasaanyg mendominasi apa? marah? kecewa? sebal pasti ya (everyone wants to get everything easly, that’s the conclusion, so what do you feel more?

Ef      : kecewa..itu perasaan terbesar gw (disappointed)

Y       : kacau emang dan apa yg kau beri padanya akhirnya? (Then what did you give to 

          her?)

Ef      : well, emailnya ga akan aku bales..anggap saja aku sibuk. ( I’ll not reply her email, I am busy anyway)

Y       : gak pgn menunjukkan bahwa dia pake cara yg sucks? (You don’t want to show that her manners is suck)

Ef      : gw benar2 kecewa... (I am upset)

Y       : hubungan lo sm dia emg sm si adek kelas kurang ajar ini dekat? Hehe (How’s your relation?)

Ef      : bahkan aku ga ingat kapan ketemu dia.. (I dont even remember where I ever met 

           her)

Y       : ammmaaaaakkk,  ya ampun. hahaha, nekat anak itu

Y       : do u blame her instituion?

Ef       : not just it.

Y        : which is also our institution too?

Ef        : tapi our instution dari SD.. dan juga budaya menggampangkan

Y         : budaya menggampangkan itu ef benar

Y         : jgn2 budaya gtg royong yg disalahgunakan

Ef        : hahahaha maybe

Y        : not even saying hello do u know me actually? what a mess girl!

Ef        : indeed

I am not the one, my reaction was normal. I am glad to know that! :)