Manners oh Manners

This morning, in early morning like usual, I checked my email in my Ipod touch..I got an email for one of my junior at university..a really short message for asking a big thing, at least that what I thought and felt.

Title: Nanya

Email: ka, ini s*u adik kelasmu angkatan 2007. Saya akan mendapatkan kesempatan ke jepang ya untuk acara diskusi nah saya boleh minta softcopy surat permohonan dana gak ka? Buat dapet sponsor. S*u@yahoo.co.id  Tolong yah kak. Makasih J 3.47AM 30 June 2010.

Email: sis, it’s A*u, I am your junior 2007. I have a chance to go to Japan for an discussion. Could I get softcopy of your proposal for a sponsorship? S*u@yahoo.co.id, please sis. Thanks J

After read this email, I got offended. Why?

1. That’s a really short email for such a big favor. She asked about my proposal and wrote down her email address, she didn’t even say: Could you please send your proposal to my email address? She assume that I will send it directly to her.
2. This letter is written by uneducated people. From elementary school until senior high school, we have been taught how to write a personal email or a formal email. But this email, not even in personal email criteria. Couldn’t she just be nice to me? Asking how I am doing? And abit bla bla.. it doesn’t mean that’s superficial, not at all. There is a certain manners to get everything done.
3. I am wondering, how she can survive in Japan, if she just copies paste other proposal? Proposal is something personal. Like your motivation letter, future plans, thesis, etc. and to write it is  part of the process to get your goal. I would be really happy to help her, if she asked me a tips or a framework. But asking a proposal?

This short email was really bother me. While enjoying a cup of tea. I brought him into discussion.  7 months in Belgium, I see my culture more clearly now, I could not generalize that all Indonesians are  like her or maybe she didn't even realize that she sent an email inappropriate way to ask a big favor. I got this kind of email several times already and I shocked. Education was failed to train people’s manners.

I understand now what I have read a few years ago. The book that had been written by  HAR Tilaar. We don’t educate people we just install them with some software that they will use to survive and to work. A few norms are missing such as character and personality. We as a result of school (we called education was plucked from the roots. I couldn’t be proud of myself as Indonesian  anymore and shout: Indonesia adalah negara yang menjunjung tinggi sopan santun dan merupakan Negara berbudaya (Indonesia is a country that upholds  good manners and is a civilized country ). Now I asked myself: In what way?

Is it Only me?

I kept on thinking, I couldn’t stop myself questioning. I felt embraced and I doubt. Maybe It’s only a normal email that everyone write when they are in same situation! Maybe I am the one who see this thing different! maybe I exaggerate. I needed to share this to someone. I wanted to see a different perspectives and responds from people, so I sent this to some friends of mine.

Nico answered:

I'm I have read your email, I have some opinion about it:

1. The first, If I were you I would feel the same like yours, That person had a bad manner and I won't send a reply for her or give her some respond until she asks. 
2. If she ask, I will tell her how bad her manner was and try to give her some ''Tutorial'' about how to behave and respect others.
3. If she give a positive responses, maybe I'll give her a second chance :)

Yati answered:

Y       : ive read ur email

Ef      : then?

Y       : and u could be sooo angry with that attitude

Ef      : gimana? apa itu perasaaan gw aja? (Is it normal if I am angry?)

Y      : intinya ef, semua orang emg mw gampang aja, shortcut gt lah dan coba gw tanya dulu ke elo. perasaanyg mendominasi apa? marah? kecewa? sebal pasti ya (everyone wants to get everything easly, that’s the conclusion, so what do you feel more?

Ef      : kecewa..itu perasaan terbesar gw (disappointed)

Y       : kacau emang dan apa yg kau beri padanya akhirnya? (Then what did you give to 

          her?)

Ef      : well, emailnya ga akan aku bales..anggap saja aku sibuk. ( I’ll not reply her email, I am busy anyway)

Y       : gak pgn menunjukkan bahwa dia pake cara yg sucks? (You don’t want to show that her manners is suck)

Ef      : gw benar2 kecewa... (I am upset)

Y       : hubungan lo sm dia emg sm si adek kelas kurang ajar ini dekat? Hehe (How’s your relation?)

Ef      : bahkan aku ga ingat kapan ketemu dia.. (I dont even remember where I ever met 

           her)

Y       : ammmaaaaakkk,  ya ampun. hahaha, nekat anak itu

Y       : do u blame her instituion?

Ef       : not just it.

Y        : which is also our institution too?

Ef        : tapi our instution dari SD.. dan juga budaya menggampangkan

Y         : budaya menggampangkan itu ef benar

Y         : jgn2 budaya gtg royong yg disalahgunakan

Ef        : hahahaha maybe

Y        : not even saying hello do u know me actually? what a mess girl!

Ef        : indeed

I am not the one, my reaction was normal. I am glad to know that! :)

It's Totally Okay To Be Failed (A New Lesson In My Life)

I have been studying and following Dutch course in Gent University since March 2010 until now, so far I could pass every level. The students come from all over the world with different race, We follow Dutch courses with some different reasons, some of us follow the course to be able to communicate with locals, the others want to find a job or study in one of Universities in Belgium. Some Major are taught in English but unfortunately, there is no psychology which taught in English neither master or bachelor. So I have no choice, I have to study Dutch first. Anyway that’s not the only reason I motivate to speak Dutch properly.  By speaking Dutch properly, I could find a student job easier that students who couldn’t speak Dutch. When I graduated from psychology, I find that It’s easier for me to find a professional job here because I could speak the language.

I follow a very intensive Dutch course, I have to attend the class from Monday to Friday. Every day is a new lesson, so there is no other better way to master the lesson than repeating all the lesson after the class. I did all my teacher’s the suggestion such as routine activities like watching news, reading magazines, reading books, speaking Dutch constantly and repeating all the lesson and trying to remember all the grammatical and new words.

I sit in  level 3 of 5 in total and I have studied more than usual the past two weeks, because I felt level 3 is more difficult than the lower levels. This morning, I did the test and nothing I can say except It’s too difficult for me. It’s just too difficult even I have studied hard and I have done my best. The last 5 minutes of 3 hours, I have not read and answered the reading section yet. So I just cross the answered, lucky that It’s multiple choices answered. Johan (friend of us), Cathy (My classmate from Filipina), Sven and I went lunch together to a student restaurant near by my course. I pleased Johan and Sven not to ask how’s my test, I was so worried that I would never manage to pass this level and I need to repeat the same level for 2 or 3 times.

Cathy and I went to shopping center after lunch, We hoped that it would help a bit to clean our mind and get a peace mind. Indeed, we could be more relax and  We stopped discussing about the result, let’s see it on Thursday. I arrived home this evening and I felt sad again. I am stressful keeping on thinking about my result. If I could not pass this level, I would be embarrassed  to myself because I never failed so far. It’s normal not to pass one level of Dutch course here if you sit in that level  first time. Only 40-60%  of total students could  pass every level, some students even did every level 2 times or 3 times and more than 7 of 23 students in my class did their 3^rd level for the 2 or 3 times.  It’s not the reason for me not to pass this level. I have to pass this level because I want to enroll in Gent University on time but nothing I could for now than waiting to see the result on Thursday. I’m almost sure that I couldn’t pass this level and slowly but sure, I could accept that. I will do this level for second time, yeah..why not?

Sometimes you just need a little push to gain a motivation :)

I have to focus on my Dutch course today because I will do my end test for level 3. I always studied hard and worked hard to get what I want. why? Because my principal. I want to be proud of myself even in the end, I couldn’t reach it or I have been failed. I would say that I did my best J. It’s not always easy to keep on moving forward and hang in there. It’s difficult to keep buffer your energies and to sit hours for reading such a boring book and doing your home works day after day while weather is really nice outside, while It’s tempting to chat with someone, while reading “Facebook” friends status is more interesting.

All things come with a price. Pay the price so you can get on with enjoying the dream. So I am paying the price before could smile when it be in my handful. I have been studying since march until now. My Dutch is improving in 4 months and I can feel it and I am happy of that. I can speak and write in Dutch. I can understand the news and people daily conversation. All of the improvements make me proud but also tired, I am tired to study everyday like a full time job. I saw my anger , how can I become complainer? Who I am? I should be grateful to get this chance. I should shut-up my narrow mindset.

Haaaahhhh, It’s not easy, I turned off my laptop and tried to be focus again. Within 2 hours, I studied a lot already, but I had a difficulty even only to remember new verbs. While studying, Sven comes and asks how I am doing! Like usual.

Efrata    :  I am doing great and being busy studying!

Sven      : do you need some more motivation?

Efrata    : Like?

Sven      : I got a phone call from city hall and your visa has been approved! You can get your identity card tomorrow. It’s valid until the end of October. Once you enroll at university, then  hand out the paper to city hall, everything will be ok, they will give another one year permission.

Efrata    : What? Oh really? Seriously? (I can’t believe it)

Sven      : yep (smile).

I jumped around, I laughed, I cried, I was speechless. All the hassle that we went through aren’t not useless. One more worried go down. With this ID card I’ll get many advantages.

1. I am not illegal anymore, I never really illegal here but I kept on worry about my visa. The question “How if” has always danced and  now stopped . 2 levels to go then I am officially as Master student at Gent University and I don’t need to worry about my visa.
2. I can travel again in Schengen territory. I can spend my holiday in another countries which I really want to visit.
3. I can start to find a studentjob and  to gain more experience. To work hard to a better future.

This news was enough to get me back to road and to start fight for a live, my live J.

Is It Me Weird Or Her Mentality?

19 February 2010:

I arrived in Belgium at 23 December 2009. Tourist visa (Categories: 3 months short stay, multiple enter, Schengen territory) as a pass ticket to enter this wonderland (before came here, I only dared to dream about). I had been here almost 2 months and I saw a chance to get higher education here. I and my boyfriend worked hard to find the right information from many resources. We got the information to start a procedure to change a tourist visa to a student visa. I needed some documents from Indonesia (Jakarta) which all document was arranged by Iyung (one of my good friend)  and was ready to be sent to Belgium. I had a tight time because I had to register to Gent University before 28 February 2010. I was kind of doubting to send it via post Coz I was worried if It’s not arrived in time. One of friends from Indonesia would fly out to Nederland and maybe I could ask her to bring my document with her. I would pick up them in Schipol, Amsterdam. Here was our conversation:

Diana     : Hii

efrata     :  Hi, btw kamu jadi berangkat ke amsterdam tanggal 26 februari?jam berapa, say?

Diana     : Smpe schipol jam 6.30 pagi

Diana     : Smp sananya tggl 27 feb

Efrata    : aku mau titip beberapa berkas dari jakarta. boleh?

Diana     : kalo ngga berat yaa Coz barang2 aku udh berat banget

Efrata    : oh ga, cuma kertas-kertas surat keterangan aja

Diana     : Kirimin aja ke alamat hum eke d jakarta

Efrata    : mungkin janjian ketemu sama temanku saja yah, klo dikirim takutnya ga nyampe, berkasnya penting    

               banget soalnya *tidak percaya pada POS INDONESIA MODE ON*

Diana     : Ya gpp asal ketemuannya ga jauh. aku masih tinggal di Pejaten. woookeeeehhhh deh.

Diana     : Kl jauh2 males say

Diana     : Lg musim hjn

Diana     : Sorry ya

Efrata    : oh klo begitu ok deh..

Efrata    : mungkin lebih baik dikirim pake pos aja ke belgia, sepertinya aga merepotkan

   dikau..thanks

Diana     : Ga merepotkan ko,  Yah pilih cara yg lbh baik aja.

Conclusion: She didn’t want to do any effort to help me, but what I expected? I only met her once anyway and only a briefly conversation. So I decided to get my documents sent by express post service and I got the documents within 2 days. So I managed to register to Gent University and I got accepted a month later.

Everything went smoothly so far. I sit in level 3 of Dutch course and wait for my student visa approved. Today I chatted again with her while studying. The course is getting complex and difficult so I have to study continuously.  This was the conversation:

Diana     : Hi say

Efrata     : hi

Diana     : Mau tanya donk say

Diana     : Kamu bawa dokumen2 apa aja utk lanjut kuliah di Gent?

Diana     : Apa aja yg mesti dilegalisir atau ditranslate?

She wanted me to give her some information how to extend a visa or changing it become a student visa and also how to register to Gent University and which documents are being needed. I asked inside me quickly: Should I give this information to her. I and Sven needed so much time to surf in internet, asked people around, sent email to friends that probably could give an information. In the other hand, Even to bring my documents along with her, she didn't want. A few simple reasons not to do that and I was upset coz of that. Huffff…but I wanted Indonesian become more develop than before. If this information helps one of Indonesian to reach her dream and to educate better, why not? Then I gave the information.

Efrata                    : Yowis...mo tny prosedur cr dftr kul disana& ngajuin visa studi dari visa turis pegimana? klo di  belgia..tinggal ke citiy hal aja..bilang mau buat student visa, seminggu sebelum masa tuirs visanya habis.. klo disini syaratnya: 1. surat keterangan sehat dari dokter 2. fotokopi paspor 3. paspoto ukuran paspor 4 buah 4. isi formulir 5.SKCK dari indonesia 6. Surat keterangan domisili dari Indonesia 7. Surat keterangan registrasi les intensif bahasa belanda 8. pertama surat keterangan mendaftar master di gent university (klo udah dapat admission letter) langsung ngasih admission letter 9. garantorku harus ngisi beberapa formulir yang berbeda lagi dan harus ngasih slip gaji dan beberapa data lainnya lagi skg tentang bagaimana daftar di univnya bisa cek infonya di www.ugent.be/en

Efrata                    : sebenarnya disana semuanya sangat lengkap..akupun dapat info semuanya darisana.. 1. Formulir buat daftar UGENT bersifat spesifik dengan nomor koresponden yang spesifik, jadi formnya ga bisa didownload..mereka yang akan mengirimkan ke kita..jadi alamat email, nama kita waktu minta formulir dan nama kita sebagai pendaftar harus sama trus ijasah sama transkrip pake ditranslate ke bahasa inggris atau belanda oleh sworn translataor yang ditunjuk kedutaan belgia di indonesia dan dilegalisir sama kedutaan belgia di Indonesia. udah itu saja.. semoga dapat membantu.

I told her what documents which she is needed and I gave her the website of the University. I really wish that’s she managed to get everything in order and could  study here. Then the conversation were going futher.

Diana                     : Wah terimakasih ef. Btw yg td km ksh info ke aku bs di copy dan tlg kirim ke email aku: dinadiana@yahoo.com. 

What? So after she asked me that information, she didn’t even want to save or to write them down! I got surprised, a big surprised! She didn’t even please me to do it, I felt like she gave an order to me to send it L.

Efrata    : kamu kamu copy aja yah

Diana     : Aku cuma chat dr hp skg, masih jam kerja dan ga bs buka laptop

Diana     : Maaf ya say

She said that she was chatting with phone and couldn’t turn on her laptop because she was working. I absolutely didn’t want to do.

Efrata    : kamu lihat diarchive kamu aja nanti dilaptop..biasanya ada kok

Efrata    : maaf yah..aku juga sibuk.

I was busy too, I took time to type all that information which she need. So I answered: sorry, I am busy too J. Is it me weird or her mentality? Am I changing too much? Does my mindset become a western or our societies change? Am I asking too much politeness or are our societies forgetting about manners and way of life? I don’t know and I have no time to think about it. So I decided to study further. My Dutch course is difficult enough for my ordinary brain and I don’t want this bother me so much.